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Back in the cage

I've locked him up again, just been a few days, but he reported earlier today that he was happy in his hardened, drippy state. He won't like what I write here, but the irony is just too good to pass up. So I will describe what I think is completely hilarious here in this blog.

He typically starts his work day around 9 or 10 in the morning, which leaves ample time for looking at porn. He is NOT a morning person, so from about 7:30 until 9, he spends the morning sipping coffee in his bathrobe, sitting mostly upright at what I refer to as his Captain's Station. He looks at porn on his computer in his big leather chair and desk and 873" monitor. He looks at kinky naked ladies, typically who are in bondage, typically who are bottoming/subbing, etc., WHILE HE's LOCKED UP!!! This makes me laugh, it's so switchy!

Our relationship and the way we play is full of paradox, and I like it that way. It was not by design; it just evolved that way. Part of the reason is because we're both switches--and switch very easily.

He's a bit territorial about his captain's station, but probably wouldn't agree with that statement. We joke about it, but seriously I try to avoid using that computer unless I know he's going to be gone for a while. Otherwise he hovers around me, not on purpose in a bad way, just in a way that makes it clear that he wants to be in the chair, which makes me lose any amount of concentration I have. He likes to be in charge in some ways, but not in others. As his mother told me on one occasion, "He always did his own thing." If only she knew...

Five more days...

     Interesting how life happens, isn't it? Ya know how I was whining a couple of blogs back about five days being way too long without traditional penis-vagina sex??? And, how five days was a long friggin' time to go for me, and I declared to myself that I don't want to play that way anymore???? Well, turns out the Locked One went out of town a few days ago in order to attend a funeral and visit family. We will be apart for a total of five nights. I feel relieved that I figured out what I wanted from chastity play last week, otherwise, we would have parted while being extremely under-sexed. And that would have pissed me off. The whole situation was just a reminder to me that life is too short to not have fun.
     I didn't go with the Locked One out of town because my daughter started school this week, and consequently, I ended up spending more time than usual with my ex-husband, both in-person and on the phone. The contact was all fine and good, and by that I mean I didn't have to call the police and press any charges against him, but the contrast between my old life and my current life was so cartoonishly evident to me, that I'm not sure there's words to describe it. I can't get over how freakishly lucky I am in my current life and relationship, on so many levels.
     My current happy state didn't come easy. I don't particularly like that feeling of being vulnerable with a man, putting trust in him, taking a risk knowing that I might end up hurt, ya know, all that good stuff. However, staying safe and avoiding all that hard stuff would have kept me stagnant.  And here's what I personally really like about chastity play: I think that it showed me on a very primal level what trust is, and how to trust and be trusted in a relationship. There's a lot of BDSM play that creates a similar dynamic, but only for short periods of time, and often has the feel of an endurance test to me. So chastity play feels more cerebral in the way the power is exchanged, than in other types of play.
     I'm a little bit obsessed with the reasons behind why I like chastity play so much, which is part of why I wanted to start this blog. Maybe the obsession comes from a feeling that I have something to learn from chastity play about trust and control. I like that chastity play eroticizes the things that I struggle with, and creates a good thing out of a bad thing.