Service-oriented Top? Conflicted Bottom?

When I first started doing BDSM stuff and meeting people in the local community, people liked to ask what I was "in to" or if i was a top/bottom/submissive/dominant... the question always made me squirm--just felt very personal. I'm fine with the question now, but still don't have an answer--Switch defines me best, and that's what I call myself when asked. But there's a lot of gray area there...
     Last night we had some time to spare since my daughter was spending time with her dad, we didn't have any plans, and seemed to have enough energy to stay awake past 9 pm. We decided to mess around in bed for a while. The Locked One has mentioned wanting more intensity, so thought I'd try to provide that last night.  I ended up tying the Locked One to the bed, shoving a vibrating ass plug inside him, and clipping clothespins to his nipples and scrotum. Then I took a long hot shower so he could spend some time experiencing those sensations.
     After the shower, I put on the spiked rink around the base of his cock, which really bit into him when i sucked his cock for a while. I finally removed it when he began straining against the wrist and ankle cuffs. Then I took off the clothespins--somewhat gently--and then sat on his face for a while. That ride lasted a while, then I slid down to his cock and rode that for a while. Biting is always fun to me, so I did more of that than usual--his shoulders and inner thighs are my favorite spots. At some point I untied him, and we fucked long enough that we were drenched in sweat when we came all at once. I was physically exhausted, but didn't feel done with him yet.

    After about fifteen minutes, I pulled my big purple dick out, and convinced him to let me fuck his ass for a while. Although he seemed resistant at first, he eventually let me punch my way in [he kept saying, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD], and I rode him hard. (I couldn't believe he let me do that!) Then I got horny all over again, and had to grab the hitachi and shove that between my legs for a moment. Insert roaring orgasm #2 here. Then the Locked One started getting hard again, and managed another orgasm as well. From my vantage point, it looked like an excrutiating experience, but he didn't seem to mind.
     My favorite thing to do is ask him questions when he's at the peak of an intense situation. I want to know exactly what is going on inside his head, and want him to focus on the pain he's feeling. Seeing him struggle to find the words makes me giggle. His brain is mostly in fight-or-flight mode at that point in time, and so asking him to process and verbalize what he's experiencing requires that he use a completely different part of his brain.  To a lesser degree, it's like asking someone who just stepped away from a car accident to work through an algebraic equation. Possible, but extremely difficult.  Sometimes I ask him to name some of the feelings he has at that moment, or I point out the irony of the situation--that he has asked for this, and I'm just giving him what he wants, and how generous it is of me to do so.
     Which brings me to the inspiration for the title of this post. I often feel like topping is about servicing, or giving. I was talking to a very experienced pro-domme a few months back, and she said, "Domme-ing is essentially mothering."  She wasn't talking about fetishes that involve diapers or being literally mothered. She felt that dominating someone was about understanding their needs, giving them that experience, and taking care of them through that process, so they could be free to surrender their need for control.  It was a thought-provoking conversation, as it always is with this person, enough so that I'm still chewing on it.
     When I'm topping, it feels like I'm servicing, and when I'm bottoming, I feel like I'm handing over something that I can't wait to rid myself of--but scared to lose at the same time. Either way, it's all fucked up and confusing. I don't care about the label and don't need to have a name for how i top or bottom, but I am surprised at all the gray area between the two roles.